oldest wisest self is a living, public journal. It has entries on all of the things I’m trying to understand: mental health, politics, love, culture, disability, relationships, neurodivergence, creativity, remaining dialectical and the craft of writing.

It is a space to acknowledge nuance and challenge my thoughts; to claim my feelings and sit with them; to find joy and keep finding it. To listen to my oldest wisest self.

⚠️ an important note ⚠️

This blog talks about mental illness in depth.

In saying that, I take care to not include, what I would consider, universally triggering information such as numbers, harmful behaviours, unnecessary specific details.

And also, the nature of triggers is very personal and even though I am trying my best to make this a safe place, there may be something discussed here that is specifically triggering to you. That’s okay.

Please take care of yourself while reading and check out this page for helplines and resources if needed.

about

My name is Erin Donohue. I am a poet, novelist and editor living in Te-Whanganui-a-Tara, Aotearoa. My debut novel was published in 2017 and was a finalist in two categories in the 2018 New Zealand Book Awards for Children and Young Adults.

I have had various essays and poems published in various places: read more here.

I like taking pictures of the clouds, therapy, barbershop and my cat Maura, who is named after a Love Island contestant. I am my most authentic self when I am riding my moped on a sunny day or swimming in the sea, in any weather.

what does “oldest wisest self” mean?

My oldest, wisest self is calm and grounded.

She is empathetic and accountable. She holds emotion and reason at the same time. She sets boundaries and honours them. She cares deeply for others but not at the cost of herself. She asks for help when she needs it. Forgives herself when she is wrong. Takes pride in herself when she works hard. She knows she is loved and valued even if people don’t articulate it all the time.

My “oldest wisest self” is a concept my psychologist shared with me. It lets me acknowledge that, even at the worst of times, I am powerful and have the ability to act in my best interests. It holds me accountable, reminds me of my skills and my past and how both enable me to safely navigate whatever I am feeling and experiencing.

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the journal entries of a sensitive poet, trying her best to understand herself, her relationships and an increasingly complicated world through the lens of her complex mental illnesses, treatments and craft

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poet, novel writer, editor, idiot